Slow Dance

I have come across this in the emails that I have gone through, and thought, “Why don’t I go ahead and post this in the blogs. To me it’s very touching… I don’t like to send something like in a chain-like letter in emails. So if you like to pass this along; it’s quite allright with me.

Slow Dance
This is a
poem written by a teenager with cancer.
She wants to see how
many people get her poem.
It is quite the poem. Please pass
it
on.
This
poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital
It was sent
by
a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing
statement AFTER THE POEM.
SLOW DANCE
Have
you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or
listened to the rain
Slapping on the
ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic
flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fa ding
night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Do you run through each day
On the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running
through your head?
You'd better slow
down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is
short.
The music won't last
Ever told your
child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your
haste,
Not see his
sorrow?
Ever lost
touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you
never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd
better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is
short.
The music won't last.
When you run so
fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting
there.
When you worry and hurry through your
day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown
away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it
slower
Hear the music
Before the song is
over.
------------ --------
FORWARDED E-MAILS
ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL COUNT.
Dear All: PLEASE pass
this mail on to everyone you know - even to those you don't know! It is the
request of a special girl who will soon leave this world due to
cancer.
This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her
dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life
to the fullest, since she neve r will.
She'll never make it to
prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her
own.
By you sending this to as many people as possible, you
can give her and her family a little hope, because with every name that this
is sent to, The American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name to her
treatment and recovery plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know that
we can at least send it to 5 or 6. It's
not even your money, just
your time!
PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST
REQUEST.
Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of
Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx , New
York 10461

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

In honor of the Breast Cancer Awareness month of October; I am deciding to write a blog about the two women whom I personally know. They did not know each too well, but they both have one thing in common, breast cancer. One of them was a survivor and the other had died from the breast cancer which has mastatized (sp) into the liver.

These two women are my great aunt Ruth Edgar, and my husband’s mother, Barbra Cutshall. They did not know each other well except they have seen each other at our pre-wedding party and our wedding. Those were the only times that they have met each other. Neither of them knew that the other has breast cancer. I missed them both now.

Barbra Cutshall is Ken’s mother, she has had both of her breasts removed and she has gone through several rounds of chemo-therapies. She is a trooper despite all the hardship of the medical treatments in order to cure her of those cancer cells. Her spirit was strong and lively. She has had a smile on her face. We were able to bring her to the house one Christmas before she had passed away. She had really enjoyed herself and so full of life. I know that there is so much about her that I wished I’d just sit with her and chat for a long time. Even if I’ve known her for a short time, it seems that I’ve known her a long time. She was one of the wonderful women who have fought valiantly against those breast cancer cells. She has had one breast removed earlier before I have met her, and then she had the other one removed when she learned that it was also malignant.

Just as they have thought all the cancer cells were removed, they were mistaken. One day, a child’s plastic ball has hit in the side about where the liver is. So she was in pain and the pain was not going away. She had decided to get that checked out. It turned out that cancer has reared its ugly head. Those malignant cells have traveled to her liver and have caused major damages to it. So she was back on chemo-therapy, which has destroyed what was left of her immune system. She had learned of this in 1994 and she has died from liver cancer in February 12, 1995. I am not sure how long that she has had breast cancer and when she has discovered it. She would have been 70 years old in May.

Then, there was another one of the women that I know very personally well, and that was my great aunt. Her name is Ruth Edgar. She was a breast cancer survivor for many years. She has had one breast removed when they have discovered that she has cancer in her one breast. So she has gone through cancer treatments in order to eradicate any stray cells. So she was in remission for over 10 years before the other breast became infected. So she again went through another round of cancer treatments before she was declared in remission for another 8 years. Yes, she was a breast cancer survivor. I know this women most of my life as one of my favorite aunts. She would take us out fishing and cook some fish that were caught. She loved the outdoors as she stayed outside to fish, go boating, or just sit outside to watch everyone else fish and chat with people. She has this wonderful lively personality, and easy-going. She loves people and would like to hang out. She has enjoyed fishing at the river on the property.

As she has aged, alcoholism has taken its toll on her intestinal tract for she is the heavy drinker for many years. She was 82 at the time of her death in 2005.

So you see that both women have had breast cancer and neither knew each other well. I love them both as women who have fought the affects of breast cancer. One of them died from liver cancer, and the other has survived it. I know that it is very hard to understand how these women cope with the cancer that they had to live with. So whenever I hear about the Breast Cancer Awareness month, which is October; I thought of these two women, Aunt Pat and Barbra. They both were fighters in their own ways.

So this makes me more determined to make sure that I get checked every year, and check myself every month. I am determined to make sure that I do not have it. I hope and pray that I don’t have it. If I do, I will be determined to fight this every step of the way, and be another survivor!

So I dedicate this blog entry to Ruth (Aunt Pat) Edgar and Barbra Cutshall. I pray that this encourage other women to be strong when they’re fighting this scourge, and encourage all the women to have their checked every chance they get. It is not too late. May God bless you and your family. I pray healing for all of those women who are now under-going treatments and fighting. Please don’t give up. Be strong and smile!

My Secret Fantasies. Revised...

My Secret Fantasies…..Revised.

There are some things that we have to keep to ourselves, and not tell everyone about them. Some secrets are good and some secrets are bad. 

I have been hiding from the world because I was hurt for so many years and I have suffered. I didn’t start hiding till 1976 when the “hell” began. So that was when I really hid within my mind in order to escape the harsh reality of being violated and getting hurt.

As you read this, notice that I have never had any crush on any real human being especially the male until at a much later date.

Well, I have a lot of secret fantasies as I have been growing up.  Some are good and some are bad.  I started having these imaginary friends when I was about eight years old.  and I have continued to this day to have friends who are imaginary. 

When I was about eight years old; I have fantasized about the TV series characters from the show "Emergency!".  I've thought of them as such cute guys, and that they're heroes. Well, then, moved on to the Star Trek characters between Spock and McCoy.  I sometimes; fantasized about the "Six Million Dollar Man".  I think those are pretty normal fantasies. 

Then, I moved on to Maya of Space 1999, which was an oddity since I usually fantasized about the men. 

Then, came my first love fantasy in 1978; when the TV show, Space Academy aired.  I've started with one of the cadets on the show named, "Chris", and then "Ergo" who was an RF silicon-based life form.  Ergo was truly my first alien love interest.  I did not think anyone would believe me when I tell them that I was in love with "Ergo"   So that was one of my secret love fantasies.  Then, there was a number of alien beings that I was in love with and been hiding my real love for so long because I've feared ridicule.  For I've been ridiculed because of my hearing and vision deficiencies. 

I did not realize that I have such an affinity for such fantasy creatures.  Maybe it was because I'm an outcast of the society?  I had wanted to fit in with my peers and I have difficulty feeling included in their activities. 

Well, then, I fantasized about the computer named "Hal" in the movie 2001: Space Odyssey.  I did not realize that I have also such an affinity for artificial life forms until at a much later time.  Then, there was "Kitt" of Knight Rider that I have thought of for a while but have not really gotten interested in him till at a much later time. 

Then, there was "Mxzoplk" of both the Justice League and Superfriends.  This time; he was an ancient alien villain.  I have fantasized about him for quite a long time till about 1986.  Yes, that was a very long time; and yes, I've had other imaginary friends to fantasized about along with Mxzoplk. 

Then, in 1986; there was a cartoon show called the "Silver Hawks" and I know this sounds crazy, but I fantasized about one of the Silver Hawks characters.  He was an alien, of course.  Now, that fantasy was over and I've moved on to yet another fantasy character. 

In about 1994; I was head over heels in love with "Data" of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I have been with this character for a long time and that was about when I began to realize my affinity for artificial life forms along with the different alien life forms.  I have sometimes wondered why I was so different from a lot of people.  Am I the only person with such weird fantasies? 

And at last; there I come back to "Kitt" of Knight Rider.  He is so far one of my last secret love fantasies.  He is now one of my secret loves besides a human that I'm in love also.   

I have written so many books about these characters to this day.  Most of it are science-fiction and fantasy. 

Right now, I'm putting poor Kitt in the background as I fantasized about another fantasy character or a human. 

So I wonder sometimes if I’m drawn to such characters. I believe that I have such an affinity to such life forms. There were times, that I have felt that I really don’t belong here on this Earth.

Now, you know I keep my love fantasies in secret.  I've kept most of them in secret because I feared being ridiculed and shunned and be viewed as an outcast so unfit for society at large.  So that is why I hide within my fantasy world in order to cope with the harsh reality of this planet Earth, and that I have been hurt so many times over the years. 

Now I am able to find a place where I can share with only those whom I know and trust.  I can only share with whom I love.  There are just only a few select people whom I would like to share this with, and I'm not quite ready to do so now. 

I am a bit afraid of the reaction that I get from those who has read this.  I'll have no way of knowing till I allow someone to read this.  I really don’t want anyone to treat me like I am unfit or the one who is very sick in my head.  Well, maybe I am for I have dealt with depression from time to time. 

I have used my fantasies to escape from the harsh realities.  Sometimes; I have used the fantasies as the defense mechanism. 

So this is the only place where I can just hide myself, especially my love fantasies.  I have many fantasies some were young and some were old, and currently; I'm having one of those love fantasies as I write.  Yes, it is one of those human beings.  But then, I would just revert to my old fantasies, and continue to hide from the world. Maybe that is why I am afraid of being hurt again.

My husband, Ken, is the only person that I can trust knows this, and he understood where I have come from and that I was hurt and had to hide from those pains. I love him for that. He stood by and listened as I have talked to him about them. He knows that it was the one of the ways that I had to cope with the harshness of life on Earth. I am glad that I have Ken who would simply take his time to listen.

Well, that is about it for now so take care and many blessings.  Cyas. 

Note*** This is revised from an original.

God Has Broken The Cycle.

God has broken the cycle…………

God has broken the cycle with this generation; my generation with me. I no longer have been cursed with the generational curses of the abuses. I am no longer a victim of abuses whether it being mental, emotional and the child molestation. I have survived it all. I am healed of these curses by God who has away all the pains of the abuses.

The torments have ended in 1993 when I rededicated my life to Jesus. And I was longer cursed with this mental and emotional torment and pain. So I am free to share of my testimonies to those who really needed the encouragements.

This has been going on for four generation in my family. Beginning with my great-grandmother who was physically beaten by a second husband that she’s still married to many years ago. I knew nothing of this till my mother has told me the truth about my great-grandmother’s past. So that begins the curse, which has followed us to this day. Then, my grandmother was abused by her fourth husband, emotionally, mentally, and physically. He’d in turn had sexually abused her two younger girls who are my mother and my aunt. And, yet the cycle has not stopped till 1993 when I called on Jesus take away this bitterness. This curse that I’ve suffered as the fourth generation. I was the last generation to endure the emotional and mental abuse of my step-father who had molested me when I was a teenager.

Then, there are different forms of mental abuses among the family members; one of my aunts has caused one of her 2 daughters to commit suicide. She survived it and is still living today. My grandmother has committed suicide due to other reasons along with pain of being abused for so long. Then, we have cousins who have committed incest among each other. So living with this curse has not been easy. It never was easy. Of all the four generations; I believed that I’ve suffered the most because it seemed to be the culmination of all the curses combined, which is probably why the Lord has healed me because He is so worthy to be glorified.

I didn’t realize that there have been the generational curses till I read about it in a book written by Frank Marzulo. He had explained in great detail of what a generational curse is.

The curse can be extremely stifling among the family members for they have to suffer because they still do not know the Lord, Jesus Christ. This curse is extremely dangerous because the devil can use it against us as weapon. But, thankfully, I have the Lord on my side.

I may be writing a few installments of one blog about how I escaped with the Lord’s help. So I must warn you. It is not going to be a pretty blog.

Yes, there are scars and the affects of the abuses from the past, but I would rather leave the past behind.

So, yes, God can break a cycle when ask Jesus to change ourselves if we are willing to let Him change us. We must be willing to allow Him to remove all those sins that have placed on us. You see? I didn’t make that choice to live with those generational curses. I was the first person to allow God to break the vicious cycle. He has changed me. He has removed all the affects of the mental and emotional torments. Yes, the scars are still there, but they will be a testament that God has healed me.

I pray that this and the future blogs will encourage you and the others to seek out help among the friends and ask them to pray for you. Ask them to support you or the others who needs the encouragement and that they be lifted up in prayers. God is there when we ask His Name.

May God bless you and take care.