A Missing Puzzle Piece Now Found.

Have you ever wondered who you really are when people in your family don’t tell you everything that you really wanted to know about you. Sometimes, the truth can hurt, but it’s better to tell the truth then to find out to your dismay and shock that you’re not really who you think you are.

Well, I have walked around with that puzzle piece for many year not knowing what my heritage was. For about 38 years; I never knew that I was Jewish.

Yes, I was told by my husband, Ken, that I was Jewish since Grandma Penny has told him. Then, later; Grandma Penny told me.

I didn’t take an interest in Judaism till I met this Jewish girl in the outreach ministry for the mentally challenged folks. Shelley has been coming to the Special Gathering and she was curious about Jesus so I decided in some way to show her how Jesus lived as a Jew. By the way; we met in 1998. So it has been awhile that I have been researching the subject of Judaism. Anyway; I’ve learned so much about it that for some reason I was beginning to question why I have certain features of a Jewish person.

No one in my family would reveal that they are Jewish, not even my mother. It’s funny how family secrets are being kept… So I would not give up on finding out who I am till the truth came out.

Well, here I was carrying that puzzle piece for about 38 years. Then, in 2003, my Grandmother has decided one day to talked about her granddaddy. He was known as Granddaddy Shykes. I remember her telling us about him off and on, but hardly anything about her grandmother, so I’ve wondered why. Anyway; Grandma Penny has divulged that Granddaddy Shykes has married a Jewish woman and she has passed away without having any children, then he married another Jewish lady, and that when they had a child together. Her name is Daisy, which is Grandma Penny’s mother. So therefore; Grandma’s Penny’s mom is Jewish, and she is Jewish by nature as well as all her five kids, about nine grandkids, about six great-grandkids, and one great-great-grandkid who are indeed Jewish.

It just boggles my mind why won’t anyone know of their true nature. It just blows my mind why this secret has been away for so long. I just don’t understand it. I can only think of one possible answer as of right now, anti-Semitism. I know that anti-Semitism has been around for thousands of years and is still going on now. Since being a Christian; I knew what persecution means and that is probably why I never hear of our true heritage.

Yes, I have been wondering for a while why was Grandma Penny able to work in the Jewish restaurant in the first place. It’s common sense that their workers had to be Jewish so I didn’t realize it till much later when I put two-and-two together. When Grandma Penny was job-searching; and found this restaurant in Tampa, Florida most likely owned by the Orthodox Jews. So Grandma Daisy has told her that she is indeed Jewish when they asked of her heritage.

So it has taken me a while to figure things out by myself, and actually learned of it at a much later time. Maybe that’s God’s way of bringing His people back to Him, I don’t know.

So now I know for sure who really am! I am not only Jewish, but also am a Messianic Jew. I do believe that Yeshua is indeed a Messiah, and all the signs in the Bible points to Him.

So when folks asked me nowadays of what my nationalities are, I would say that I am Scot/Irish, English, American Indian (Cherokee), and Jewish (Messianic Jewish). It’s quite a combinations. Aren’t they?

Yes, this is the food for thought as I write this so that the truth would win out in the end. So may God bless and take care.

A Letter of an 86-Yr-Old Lady

I have come across this email one day so I that this is worth reading. May God bless you.

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls
and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. 

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, music noise will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman!)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE THOSE "SENIORS" !

Slow Dance

I have come across this in the emails that I have gone through, and thought, “Why don’t I go ahead and post this in the blogs. To me it’s very touching… I don’t like to send something like in a chain-like letter in emails. So if you like to pass this along; it’s quite allright with me.

Slow Dance
This is a
poem written by a teenager with cancer.
She wants to see how
many people get her poem.
It is quite the poem. Please pass
it
on.
This
poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital
It was sent
by
a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing
statement AFTER THE POEM.
SLOW DANCE
Have
you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or
listened to the rain
Slapping on the
ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic
flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fa ding
night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Do you run through each day
On the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running
through your head?
You'd better slow
down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is
short.
The music won't last
Ever told your
child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your
haste,
Not see his
sorrow?
Ever lost
touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you
never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd
better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is
short.
The music won't last.
When you run so
fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting
there.
When you worry and hurry through your
day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown
away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it
slower
Hear the music
Before the song is
over.
------------ --------
FORWARDED E-MAILS
ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL COUNT.
Dear All: PLEASE pass
this mail on to everyone you know - even to those you don't know! It is the
request of a special girl who will soon leave this world due to
cancer.
This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her
dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life
to the fullest, since she neve r will.
She'll never make it to
prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her
own.
By you sending this to as many people as possible, you
can give her and her family a little hope, because with every name that this
is sent to, The American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name to her
treatment and recovery plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know that
we can at least send it to 5 or 6. It's
not even your money, just
your time!
PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST
REQUEST.
Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of
Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx , New
York 10461

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

In honor of the Breast Cancer Awareness month of October; I am deciding to write a blog about the two women whom I personally know. They did not know each too well, but they both have one thing in common, breast cancer. One of them was a survivor and the other had died from the breast cancer which has mastatized (sp) into the liver.

These two women are my great aunt Ruth Edgar, and my husband’s mother, Barbra Cutshall. They did not know each other well except they have seen each other at our pre-wedding party and our wedding. Those were the only times that they have met each other. Neither of them knew that the other has breast cancer. I missed them both now.

Barbra Cutshall is Ken’s mother, she has had both of her breasts removed and she has gone through several rounds of chemo-therapies. She is a trooper despite all the hardship of the medical treatments in order to cure her of those cancer cells. Her spirit was strong and lively. She has had a smile on her face. We were able to bring her to the house one Christmas before she had passed away. She had really enjoyed herself and so full of life. I know that there is so much about her that I wished I’d just sit with her and chat for a long time. Even if I’ve known her for a short time, it seems that I’ve known her a long time. She was one of the wonderful women who have fought valiantly against those breast cancer cells. She has had one breast removed earlier before I have met her, and then she had the other one removed when she learned that it was also malignant.

Just as they have thought all the cancer cells were removed, they were mistaken. One day, a child’s plastic ball has hit in the side about where the liver is. So she was in pain and the pain was not going away. She had decided to get that checked out. It turned out that cancer has reared its ugly head. Those malignant cells have traveled to her liver and have caused major damages to it. So she was back on chemo-therapy, which has destroyed what was left of her immune system. She had learned of this in 1994 and she has died from liver cancer in February 12, 1995. I am not sure how long that she has had breast cancer and when she has discovered it. She would have been 70 years old in May.

Then, there was another one of the women that I know very personally well, and that was my great aunt. Her name is Ruth Edgar. She was a breast cancer survivor for many years. She has had one breast removed when they have discovered that she has cancer in her one breast. So she has gone through cancer treatments in order to eradicate any stray cells. So she was in remission for over 10 years before the other breast became infected. So she again went through another round of cancer treatments before she was declared in remission for another 8 years. Yes, she was a breast cancer survivor. I know this women most of my life as one of my favorite aunts. She would take us out fishing and cook some fish that were caught. She loved the outdoors as she stayed outside to fish, go boating, or just sit outside to watch everyone else fish and chat with people. She has this wonderful lively personality, and easy-going. She loves people and would like to hang out. She has enjoyed fishing at the river on the property.

As she has aged, alcoholism has taken its toll on her intestinal tract for she is the heavy drinker for many years. She was 82 at the time of her death in 2005.

So you see that both women have had breast cancer and neither knew each other well. I love them both as women who have fought the affects of breast cancer. One of them died from liver cancer, and the other has survived it. I know that it is very hard to understand how these women cope with the cancer that they had to live with. So whenever I hear about the Breast Cancer Awareness month, which is October; I thought of these two women, Aunt Pat and Barbra. They both were fighters in their own ways.

So this makes me more determined to make sure that I get checked every year, and check myself every month. I am determined to make sure that I do not have it. I hope and pray that I don’t have it. If I do, I will be determined to fight this every step of the way, and be another survivor!

So I dedicate this blog entry to Ruth (Aunt Pat) Edgar and Barbra Cutshall. I pray that this encourage other women to be strong when they’re fighting this scourge, and encourage all the women to have their checked every chance they get. It is not too late. May God bless you and your family. I pray healing for all of those women who are now under-going treatments and fighting. Please don’t give up. Be strong and smile!

My Secret Fantasies. Revised...

My Secret Fantasies…..Revised.

There are some things that we have to keep to ourselves, and not tell everyone about them. Some secrets are good and some secrets are bad. 

I have been hiding from the world because I was hurt for so many years and I have suffered. I didn’t start hiding till 1976 when the “hell” began. So that was when I really hid within my mind in order to escape the harsh reality of being violated and getting hurt.

As you read this, notice that I have never had any crush on any real human being especially the male until at a much later date.

Well, I have a lot of secret fantasies as I have been growing up.  Some are good and some are bad.  I started having these imaginary friends when I was about eight years old.  and I have continued to this day to have friends who are imaginary. 

When I was about eight years old; I have fantasized about the TV series characters from the show "Emergency!".  I've thought of them as such cute guys, and that they're heroes. Well, then, moved on to the Star Trek characters between Spock and McCoy.  I sometimes; fantasized about the "Six Million Dollar Man".  I think those are pretty normal fantasies. 

Then, I moved on to Maya of Space 1999, which was an oddity since I usually fantasized about the men. 

Then, came my first love fantasy in 1978; when the TV show, Space Academy aired.  I've started with one of the cadets on the show named, "Chris", and then "Ergo" who was an RF silicon-based life form.  Ergo was truly my first alien love interest.  I did not think anyone would believe me when I tell them that I was in love with "Ergo"   So that was one of my secret love fantasies.  Then, there was a number of alien beings that I was in love with and been hiding my real love for so long because I've feared ridicule.  For I've been ridiculed because of my hearing and vision deficiencies. 

I did not realize that I have such an affinity for such fantasy creatures.  Maybe it was because I'm an outcast of the society?  I had wanted to fit in with my peers and I have difficulty feeling included in their activities. 

Well, then, I fantasized about the computer named "Hal" in the movie 2001: Space Odyssey.  I did not realize that I have also such an affinity for artificial life forms until at a much later time.  Then, there was "Kitt" of Knight Rider that I have thought of for a while but have not really gotten interested in him till at a much later time. 

Then, there was "Mxzoplk" of both the Justice League and Superfriends.  This time; he was an ancient alien villain.  I have fantasized about him for quite a long time till about 1986.  Yes, that was a very long time; and yes, I've had other imaginary friends to fantasized about along with Mxzoplk. 

Then, in 1986; there was a cartoon show called the "Silver Hawks" and I know this sounds crazy, but I fantasized about one of the Silver Hawks characters.  He was an alien, of course.  Now, that fantasy was over and I've moved on to yet another fantasy character. 

In about 1994; I was head over heels in love with "Data" of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I have been with this character for a long time and that was about when I began to realize my affinity for artificial life forms along with the different alien life forms.  I have sometimes wondered why I was so different from a lot of people.  Am I the only person with such weird fantasies? 

And at last; there I come back to "Kitt" of Knight Rider.  He is so far one of my last secret love fantasies.  He is now one of my secret loves besides a human that I'm in love also.   

I have written so many books about these characters to this day.  Most of it are science-fiction and fantasy. 

Right now, I'm putting poor Kitt in the background as I fantasized about another fantasy character or a human. 

So I wonder sometimes if I’m drawn to such characters. I believe that I have such an affinity to such life forms. There were times, that I have felt that I really don’t belong here on this Earth.

Now, you know I keep my love fantasies in secret.  I've kept most of them in secret because I feared being ridiculed and shunned and be viewed as an outcast so unfit for society at large.  So that is why I hide within my fantasy world in order to cope with the harsh reality of this planet Earth, and that I have been hurt so many times over the years. 

Now I am able to find a place where I can share with only those whom I know and trust.  I can only share with whom I love.  There are just only a few select people whom I would like to share this with, and I'm not quite ready to do so now. 

I am a bit afraid of the reaction that I get from those who has read this.  I'll have no way of knowing till I allow someone to read this.  I really don’t want anyone to treat me like I am unfit or the one who is very sick in my head.  Well, maybe I am for I have dealt with depression from time to time. 

I have used my fantasies to escape from the harsh realities.  Sometimes; I have used the fantasies as the defense mechanism. 

So this is the only place where I can just hide myself, especially my love fantasies.  I have many fantasies some were young and some were old, and currently; I'm having one of those love fantasies as I write.  Yes, it is one of those human beings.  But then, I would just revert to my old fantasies, and continue to hide from the world. Maybe that is why I am afraid of being hurt again.

My husband, Ken, is the only person that I can trust knows this, and he understood where I have come from and that I was hurt and had to hide from those pains. I love him for that. He stood by and listened as I have talked to him about them. He knows that it was the one of the ways that I had to cope with the harshness of life on Earth. I am glad that I have Ken who would simply take his time to listen.

Well, that is about it for now so take care and many blessings.  Cyas. 

Note*** This is revised from an original.

God Has Broken The Cycle.

God has broken the cycle…………

God has broken the cycle with this generation; my generation with me. I no longer have been cursed with the generational curses of the abuses. I am no longer a victim of abuses whether it being mental, emotional and the child molestation. I have survived it all. I am healed of these curses by God who has away all the pains of the abuses.

The torments have ended in 1993 when I rededicated my life to Jesus. And I was longer cursed with this mental and emotional torment and pain. So I am free to share of my testimonies to those who really needed the encouragements.

This has been going on for four generation in my family. Beginning with my great-grandmother who was physically beaten by a second husband that she’s still married to many years ago. I knew nothing of this till my mother has told me the truth about my great-grandmother’s past. So that begins the curse, which has followed us to this day. Then, my grandmother was abused by her fourth husband, emotionally, mentally, and physically. He’d in turn had sexually abused her two younger girls who are my mother and my aunt. And, yet the cycle has not stopped till 1993 when I called on Jesus take away this bitterness. This curse that I’ve suffered as the fourth generation. I was the last generation to endure the emotional and mental abuse of my step-father who had molested me when I was a teenager.

Then, there are different forms of mental abuses among the family members; one of my aunts has caused one of her 2 daughters to commit suicide. She survived it and is still living today. My grandmother has committed suicide due to other reasons along with pain of being abused for so long. Then, we have cousins who have committed incest among each other. So living with this curse has not been easy. It never was easy. Of all the four generations; I believed that I’ve suffered the most because it seemed to be the culmination of all the curses combined, which is probably why the Lord has healed me because He is so worthy to be glorified.

I didn’t realize that there have been the generational curses till I read about it in a book written by Frank Marzulo. He had explained in great detail of what a generational curse is.

The curse can be extremely stifling among the family members for they have to suffer because they still do not know the Lord, Jesus Christ. This curse is extremely dangerous because the devil can use it against us as weapon. But, thankfully, I have the Lord on my side.

I may be writing a few installments of one blog about how I escaped with the Lord’s help. So I must warn you. It is not going to be a pretty blog.

Yes, there are scars and the affects of the abuses from the past, but I would rather leave the past behind.

So, yes, God can break a cycle when ask Jesus to change ourselves if we are willing to let Him change us. We must be willing to allow Him to remove all those sins that have placed on us. You see? I didn’t make that choice to live with those generational curses. I was the first person to allow God to break the vicious cycle. He has changed me. He has removed all the affects of the mental and emotional torments. Yes, the scars are still there, but they will be a testament that God has healed me.

I pray that this and the future blogs will encourage you and the others to seek out help among the friends and ask them to pray for you. Ask them to support you or the others who needs the encouragement and that they be lifted up in prayers. God is there when we ask His Name.

May God bless you and take care.

Camp Agape

Camp Agape……………

This weekend has been quite interesting once we have begun to get ready go on the venture to the “Life For Youth Ranch” in Vero Beach, Florida. This has been our 11^th time going to help out at this Camp Agape. The word “agape” means unconditional love in Greek. The Camp Agape was created by the founder Richard Stimson many years and I cannot recall how many years when he has founded “The Special Gathering” many years ago.

The Camp Agape is geared for the members of the outreach ministry The Special Gathering for the mentally challenged. The Camp Agape is consists of chapel worship, fun hours, water slides, and mainly fellowshipping and supporting of the various groups of “The Special Gathering” members from different places like the Cocoa Beach, Indian River County, Jacksonville, Daytona Beach, Deland, Walterboro, South Carolina, and Melbourne. There are about the average of 200 plus camper throughout the camp ground doing different activities throughout each day of the weekend.

The day begins with the people waking up and going to have some breakfast. Most breakfasts were consisting of wholesome food like egg, bacon, grit, biscuit, toast, and cereal. When the campers are done with the meal, they walk over to the chapel building for the morning worship. The morning worship consists of music and singings, Many campers have the heart for worshipping the Lord, Jesus Christ. After the worship, the various leaders take turns preaching from the Bible as if they were in the church. The campers do pay attention to those who are speaking about Jesus. They hang onto each word spoken. Before they leave the chapel, they close in united prayer.

Next came the fun hour where many campers can go to choose different activities which are open throughout the camp ground such as archery, putt-putt-golf, boat rides, arts and crafts, go-carts, and game-room. Most campers enjoyed the boat rides which are one of the highlights of the Camp Agape, and the go-carts being the second highlight. Sometimes, the fun-hour would last up to 2 hours, they everyone would settle down for the lunch hour. The campers eagerly wait as they lined up to the door after someone say the blessings for the food.

When the lunch hour has finished; many campers would go to their cabins to get into bathing suits so that they be ready to go swimming and/or go water-sliding, which is later in the day. So there was time to start another fun-hour for the campers to get them preoccupied for the afternoon, and this usually lasted another 2 hours till it was time to go swimming. First, the campers find their partners before they’re allowed to go in the lake to swim together. Most got their chance to swim in the lake with a partner. That would last about a half-hour before getting ready to go on the “Super-Water-Slide” like those you see in the water-park. Most campers are excited to go on this water-slide. Many of them are eager to go climb up the steps while they waited in line for their turns to go slide down the slides. This is one of the biggest outdoor activities. Many have cited that this is one of their favorite activities.

Then, the campers returned the yellow mats in the mats bin, they all went back to their cabins to shower and put on dry clothes to get ready for the evening dinner. After they have put on dry clothes, many would wander back over to the cafeteria line to wait. Most of the camper would fellowship and share their days with one another. Then, someone says the blessing letting each group of people into the cafeteria.

Then, in the evening about an hour after finishing dinner; everyone goes back to the chapel for the evening worship. Most are enthusiastic when they sing and clap their hands after the opening prayer. Then, there was either the leader preaching from the Bible, a puppet show, or a musical. This year there was a puppet show with is really nice and these people has come from Wisconsin to minister to this group of Special Gathering.

After the closing prayer; the campers would either go back to their cabins or go to the picnic area. Those that went to the picnic area would purchase a few snack items from a small store and relax for the few moments with their friends before they would go back to their cabins.

Then, this routine repeats itself on the next day, with the exception of the chapel service being longer in the morning. Many campers do enjoy the camp experiences while they were there.

Next year, the camp duration would be a day longer like they were used to before the school calendar has caused the changes in the schedule mix-up, which had made the camp weekend shorter and on a different month.

This year has been an interesting year for both of us since we have helped with this Camp Agape for over ten years. Only 2 years we have gone twice. The theme for this year is “Who’s Your Friend?” There are different kinds of friends that each members of the Special Gathering has considered, best friends, mutual friend, family friends, co-worker-friends, and distant friend, name just a few. Each member has his or her own circle of friends. Some of these friends may or may not consider another circle of friends as their friends. It’s an interesting topic to discuss among the campers as they mingle with one another. There have been some interesting interactions between some friends. Some would share personal items, others would buy a can of soda for another friend, and still others would just by another friend and just talk about their days.

Also an interesting character named “Rover-Comer” has visited Camp Agape and greeted each camper as he has made his round throughout the camp ground. Rover Comer was wearing a sign that says, “Who’s Your Friend?” Some camper would say this or that camper or volunteer or a leader, and many of them, would say, “It’s Jesus!” Indeed, Jesus is the friend for all.

Ken and I have really enjoyed the camp this year as we have helped with the campers with some of the things like counting the money for their snacks or showing where their cabin is when they got lost, or share their stories. Many of the campers do recognize us by our first names.

We were assigned the game-room this year, and I have provided the music using my Zune mp3 player. Most campers were surprised to see such a device being so compact to hold so much music. I have not gotten through with all the 12 years worth of WoW Hits albums. Most would expect to see a typical tape or CD player. The most popular game to play in the game room was the billiard table. I’ve seen camper played various styles of pool. There were 2 billiard tables and one of them kept losing the balls. Anyway; we have no problems with any of the campers playing the various forms of table games. I’ve spent most of the times during the fun hours in the game room to keep an eye on the game players so that they were playing fair with one another as long as they’re done in fun. Sometimes, Ken was there to help, and sometimes, he would disappear to find the large dog, which happened to be named Rover-Comer. On Friday night, Rover has gotten lost 3 times trying to find his way back to the dog-house. (Hmmm, is there something wrong with his sniffers?).

Anyway; the camp for this year has been good for most campers as far as I know. So most are looking forward to coming back to camp next year and this time, it will be in May of 2008.

So may God bless you and take care. I’ll see you later on.

My Escapes...

My Escapes……

I have my escapes whenever I am (or I was) stressed. I have my escapes whenever I have trouble coping with the life around me. I have escapes whenever I have ideas.

I do hide in many of my escapes such as my imagination. Yes, my imagination is my friend. My imagination has been my friend for a long time. I escape into my imagination whenever my mind simply shuts down from the world around me and I just “day-dream” as some people say.

This is really my way of coping with disturbing situations. Yes, I do talk to God about this, but sometimes; I wanted to just hide from the harsh reality of life.

Like for example; I was violated years ago as a teenager and I’ve built up this barrier of hiding into this imaginary world of space travel and aliens.

I still do escape into my imaginary world of aliens, androids, and computers. I sometimes wonder why I have such an affinity for these types of life forms. I’ll probably talk about this later.

I’ve started having imaginary friends when I was about eight or nine. Yes, I was a late-bloomer as most 3 and 4 yr-olds starts having imaginary friends. This was simply the good escape when I first began.

Then, came the time when I was violated; I simply began to learn to shut myself into my escapes. It has gotten to the point that I was unable to cope with this terrible reality.

I still have the affects of being violated by just escaping into my world where no one can get into. No one get into world of mine unless I allow them to. Only a very few select people that I could trust was able to see the glimpse of my escapes. So far about only 3 people of my family knows about this. Two of my cousins and my husband, Ken.

They are the only people who understood where I came from. So now, I am about to make a decision of how I am going to share this with someone else. I just pray that this person knows where I came from.

I have voiced my fears of revealing of how I was able to cope with life with only those 3 people, and they don’t treat me as if I were an outcast or a mental case. I know that some people would think I am crazy or nuts.

If whenever someone hurts me or makes me upset; I simply zone-out and not be bothered by anyone else’s harsh comments at me.

You know? Sometimes; I wonder how I was able to cope with some people’s strange behaviors. Well, I know where they come from. Some of them are out of fear or some of them are out of pure boredom. Anyway; I’ve shared very little that I have used my imagination to escape from the reality.

Recently; someone has shared something that has struck a chord within me. I know where this person comes from. So I no longer have to feel alone in this world that has to hide within her imagination as her escapes.

I hid out of fear. I hid out of shame. I hid because I couldn’t cope. I hid because I was angry, and I hid because I was lonely.

All this time; God was right there throughout this ordeal. Yes, He has never left me. It has taken me through a long journey to realize this. Now, I can talk to God about my fears and my escapes. I can talk to God without being afraid of Him. Because He is my Daddy I no longer have to hide from Him. Yes, I still hide from the world, but not from God.

Now I’m weighing the decision of whether to disclose them in my private blogs or my public blogs. Yes, I have to decide whether or not to share certain things with the people. Sometimes; I just have to keep something secret between me and God. My biggest fear is being an outcast because I’ve been a loner most of my life. So much of my childhood was spent hiding in my room and then escaping into my imaginary world.

So with the world of the Internet; I see a possibility that I could share something, whether it’s in the private blogs, friends’ only blogs, or the public blogs. Those are the decisions that I have to make. Someday, I will allow certain people to view my private blogs.

So I’ll catch y’all later so take care and God bless.

Love yas, my friends, in Christ our Lord.

My Uncle Is A Paramedic.

My Uncle Is A Paramedic.

Here is another person that I would like to write about, and his name is Henry Thomas Hoyle Sr. He is one of the favorite people in my family that I’d like to hang out with. There are some things I do remember so well about him. He has the quality of the people-helper in many respects.

As young as I remembered Henry Thomas Hoyle also known as Uncle T. or Granddaddy to some of us in our family; he has been a paramedic for a long time as his career. He has started out as an ambulance driver. I do remember seeing some of those old ambulances that he used to drive. Most of them were like the large station wagons of those days until they have come up with the larger vehicles in order to add more advanced life-saving equipment.

Some people called them “Meat Wagons”. My husband is one of those types who still called even the newest and latest ambulances “Meat Wagons” I still don’t like the term, but that’s what they’ve called them.

Anyway; back to Uncle T.’s career as a paramedic, that was one of the longest career he has besides working with Granddaddy George on the swimming pools business. You know? Whenever I have watched the show called “Emergency!” on television; I think of Uncle T. who would work feverishly in order to save a patient’s life in an ambulance. I could just see my uncle in each episode of “Emergency!” as they worked to save a patient’s life while on the road, outside the burning house, or even just making sure a patient was okay.

Well, Uncle T. has saved a lot of patients’ lives over the years. Some patients have heart attacks; some have diabetic shock, while the others have many injuries. Some injuries were ranged from the cuts and bruises to the heavy bleeding from the gunshot wounds, or car accidents. Sometimes, he has encountered death while assessing the patients.

Of course, I thought of what would Uncle T. do whenever I try to help someone who were injured at one time or another. Uncle T. has taught me many things about administering the first-aid to the injured patient while waiting for the ambulance or the emergency crew to come up to take over the care of the patient.

I know that sometimes, Uncle T. would run into some people who would refuse proper treatments for their illness or injury. Some have lived and some have died as the result of the bad decisions on the patients’ part. I also know that Uncle T. would run into some patients who were “Drama-Queens” or “Drama-Kings” No pun intended.

Then, there was “Rescue 911” and there were more of the interesting life saving stories of the real life situations and people. I could see Uncle T. rushing to the doorstep with the bulging equipment bags. I can imagine how Uncle T. would quickly stabilize the patient’s vital system before preparing to transport the patient on the stretcher and roll him or her into the ambulance.

Some may wonder what has become of Uncle T. Well, after had retired from his career as a paramedic and then helping Granddaddy with the swimming pool installations and such. He also used to work at a convenience store in Deland, Florida. While he was working at the convenience store one night; several men has broke into the store and robbed the store. He was attacked in the process as he was defending the store. He has had a bad concussion as the result. So that was where he had a clot formed by the injury, and that was when he had to stay on the blood-thinner for the rest of his life. The doctors had to keep an eye on that clot or otherwise it would break off and cause a heart attack.

So about a few months before May 13 or 14, 1992; the blood-clot has broken off because he has hit his head on something else while he was working on a small construction project. He did not suspect that it has broken off until he had passed out a few times so he was taken to the hospital for treatment of his diabetic instability. He also died from the second diabetic coma, but something else has killed him.

It was one night while I was at my Grandmother’s house when the hospital called on the Wednesday or Thursday night. The news has devastated a lot of the family members. What has killed Uncle T. was that the blood-clot has broken off and has travelled to his heart before it got lodged in the heart’s blood-vessel causing the heart to swell and burst. And, he was about to be ready to come out of the intensive care unit to the regular room at the Halifax Hospital in Daytona, Florida.

I have many fond memories of Uncle T. as I was growing up. I got to ride the ambulance as a passenger while he was transporting an elderly patient to the nursing home from the hospital. He helped me set up my first-aid kit for me to use in case of the emergency. He has given me some of his old patches to be sewn on my white shirt to be used on the “Career Day” while was at school. I have thought that was really awesome being able to wear my “paramedic” shirt so I can be a paramedic just like in the TV show, “Emergency!”.

He has a wonderful personality of the jolly man, but he is also a quiet man. Sometimes, he gets sarcastic in a quiet way. He likes to kid around and joke around. I know I’ve gotten picked on for sleeping in late past 12:00 PM or past noon! But, he also has the serious side. When he gets mad, which I’ve seldom saw his anger, he’ll be more quiet and one can tell with his eyes that were blazing. So over-all, you don’t see him so angry that often. I have rarely seen him in an angry mood. He was such sweet and quiet man.

So whenever I watched any news, TV shows depicting a paramedic or an ambulance, or just sees an ambulance rushing by; I think of Uncle T. being the driver and making sure that someone’s life is saved. I can imagine Uncle T. going to various emergencies and just fit right in with the other paramedics as they worked feverishly to save a patient’s life wherever there’s a motor-vehicle accident or another gunshot victim.

Just lately; I thought of Uncle T. and I have thought of what he would have done if he were sitting at the computer connect to the internet, and chatting in the Christian-chat Network, and if he had seen the distress in the chatter’s typing. He would have done the same thing that he has always done. It is to save a person’s life whether that person wants help or not. Uncle T. would have said that same thing that I have told the other person in the chat room; “Get help!” Uncle T. is the type that he would NOT take “No.” for an answer when it comes to the life-and-death situation. This incident has happened a few months ago in a chat room.

So Uncle T. has a few careers besides being a paramedic and an ambulance driver. He has helped Granddaddy George with the swimming pool business. He has worked in several convenience stores. He has had a full life despite that he had diabetes for many years. He has been married his wife, Mary Farlene Hoyle whom he calls “My Bride”. I remembered that saying so fondly… He would say, “That’s my Bride.” He loves his wife so dearly. They have several children together, and they have raised the four children, Jimmy, Cynthia, Henry Thomas Jr, (Little T.) and Joseph (Little Joe). Both Uncle T. and Aunt Farlene were loving couple for many years despite the many circumstances. This is one of the long-lasting marriages that I have seen over the years in my family.

Both Granddaddy and Uncle T. were the same age, which is quite unusual. They both would have been 76 years old by now if they are still alive.

So that is another person that I would like to write about. He has been an integral part of my life as I was growing up, and remember the fun things and the lessons learned from each other as the Uncle and the Niece.

May God bless you and you all take care of yourselves.

Of Clowns and Geishas...

Of clowns and Geishas……

There were times that I have trouble remembering a lot of things about our family members. Sometimes I remember so much about one person and so little about another. There are cetain qualities or attributes about each person in our family.

I have written a blog about “An Owl Lady”, which was one of the qualities or attributes that I have brought out in Jackie Reinhardt also known as Aunt Jackie some of us. She is the one who has collected anything in the form of an owl, and she did have a chance to hold a live baby owl in her hands.

Now, there is another family member that I would like bring out such an interesting attributes in. This person is into clowns and the Geisha girls. You see? This is only a few things that I can remember of this young man. So I am choosing to bring out these qualities of this young man.

His name is Henry Thomas Hoyle Jr. also known as “Little T.” by many of us family and some of his friends. He has the long blonde hair and has the necklace of the small ivory tooth. He cherishes that tooth-necklace and he has worn that for many years. I may not know how he has acquired it, but that was another one of the qualities that stand out in my memory.

Whenever I see and watched the clowns, I think of Little T. being this or that clown. You see? He used to do clown shows possibly in the carnival or in the parade. (He might have helped in the circus, which I may not know).

So whenever I do the clown ministry in our church, I thought of doing this in his memory just to show that I am honoring his memory. Sort of like a memorial to him. Doing the clown ministry is wonderful and fun once you get used to the routines of putting on the make-up and taking them off.

Then, there are the Geisha girls. Little T. has those two Geisha dolls which are intricately made by an artist who has the high attention to detail. I know that the Geisha dolls are one of the delicate things that Little has collected over the years. I may not know how he has started on collecting the Geisha dolls.

So whenever I played the Mahjongg tiles either on the computer or on the table with the actual tiles; I thought of Little T. and the Geisha girls. Yes, playing the Mahjongg tiles is one of my favorite games to play.

Little T. is the second oldest of the four children of Mary (also known as Aunt Farlene and Mema to some of us) and Henry Thomas (also known as Uncle T. and Granddaddy to some of us) Hoyle Sr.

Some may wonder what has become of Little T. Well, this is what I can say under the circumstances. His death was undetermined. He has died in 1989 near Orange City after something went terribly wrong. So this much I can say for the death was under investigation, and was closed prematurely. Some of our family has known the real reason why he has died so we’ve kept this truth to ourselves till this cold case will re-open with the fresh new eyes. It is so sad when a senseless death has occurred.

So Little T. has contributed part of his life doing the clown shows and collecting the Geisha dolls. So in a way, he is alive in our memories. Now, I can at least, contribute to his in memory this small blog and dedicate it to his name. Henry (Little T.) Thomas Hoyle Jr.

Sara-nora! (Japanese for Goodbye)

And God bless

Fourteenth Wedding Anniversary

Fourteenth Wedding Anniversary….

Being married to the same guy is a long time. Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of marriages have been falling apart for around me. Almost all of my family members are divorced. Only a few of them are widows of the long marriage.

I’m amazed at how long have I’ve been marred to Ken. He is such a wonderful guy to be with. He’s the happy-go-lucky guy that you can easily get along with as friends. I love him for who he is. We are still growing together despite the ups-and-downs that have been going on throughout our married life. I met him in the neighborhood block party in May of 1992 on his mother’s birthday. So we’ve courted for about four months before he had decided to propose on the Labor-Day party on September 5^th. 1992 So we were engaged for almost a year before we got married on September 4^th, 1993.

So here I am blogging about this almost fourteen years later. Our wedding anniversary is coming up on Tuesday, September 4^th, 2007. I don’t know what we will be doing this weekend preceding this week’s date. So I just hope that it will be a good weekend though. Maybe I’ll just reminisce about our wedding and possibly watch the video of our wedding. Of course; I need to transfer it to DVD.

Anyway; I think that our marriage is still growing strong. Of course, we have argued over a number of things as the typical married couple would… Most of them are about money and some other dumb things. But we’d eventually get over it.

I sure don’t know how Ken puts up with me over the fourteen years. I’ve had a lot of odd quirks. So does he! And I don’t know how I put up with his odd quirks.

You see? He likes cold weather, I don’t. He likes night time, I don’t. There are more opposites that we have to contend with at times. But we do have similar tastes in food and clothing and leisure.

We sometimes like to do things together such as eating out and going shopping at different stores. And sometimes; we like to do different things apart from each other. Like I’d be at my computer chatting with my friends while Ken would be watching TV in another room. So it gets pretty busy in this house.

In one of the anniversaries; I’ve the weekend evacuated to my grandmother’s house during Hurricane Frances in 2004. So that was our eleventh anniversary being stuck in our shelter during the hurricane. Another of our anniversaries was spent at camp Agape with the Special Gatherings ministry.

We had only two honeymoons so that was not bad at all. Of course, I had laryngitis from screaming on the roller coasters, and I’ve skinned my foot bad on one of those Wet-N-Wild water-slides. Yeouch! We also had spent time during our honeymoons dealing with the time-share sales-representatives. The one on the second time-share was very persistent. (Well, I’ll tell you more about this later!)... So we did have fun nonetheless. On most of our anniversaries, Ken has had spent a lot of money on me, Heehee. He’d buy a few greeting cards, a couple of balloons, and flowers. There’s a few times that he’d bought me dozen roses! Oh, yeah, and candies sometimes. Most of our anniversaries, he’d be taking me out for dinner and splurge! Oh, and we’ve spent a couple anniversaries at church!

Our wedding color theme was purple and the theme was about the roses. Well, I’ve had my cousin, Misty; sing a song called, “The Rose” by Bette Midler. The person who had composed this song has passed away about over a week ago. I found that out by looking for the YouTube video of the same name. I have thought of this fourteenth wedding anniversary when I was looking for “The Rose” and then watching and listening and to the YouTube video of it. So the roses and purple do come together for the September wedding. So our wedding was memorable in many ways. We were the first wedding to be performed by Pastor Lamar Taylor at this church called Grace Chapel. There are quite a few Taylors that have popped up throughout our wedding. We were being married as the “Taylor” our best man was a Taylor, one of our groomsmen is a Taylor, our photographer is a Taylor, and that’s not all. We also rented the arbor and punch fountain from the Taylor Rentals. Just before the wedding had started; I cried when I looked through the two-way mirror in the church-secretary office waiting to be walked down the aisle by my Granddaddy. There Ken was up there with sweaty palms. As I’ve walked down the aisle; there was only one side of the church which was really crowded with people, and it was the bride’s side. The bridge-groom’s side has about maybe 20 people in it. That must’ve been some kind of the popularity contest. First our Pastor Taylor has made a mistake of calling me “Ken” instead of “Tracy”. Then, Ken made a mistake of not completing the vow after “Till death do us part.” And I almost forgot to blow out the flame from the taper of the unity candle. Ken has forgotten that he’d hugged my cousin, Melissa just before we began our receiving line. And I’ve totally forgotten that I’ve danced with Ken’s brother-in-law. Jeff. His brother, Don, has sprayed a little bit of silly string in Aunt Bonnie’s direction, and she got up out of her chair like she was going to deck him. Still, my mother hates wearing shoes as she was dancing with my newly wedded hubby, Ken.

Well, speaking of the wedding; there are a few people that I do miss now as I remember them. Barbara Cutshall, Ken’s mom passed on in February 12, 1995. Uncle Bill Poindextor was gone in 1996 Miss Luanna May was gone in November of 1997. Uncle Joseph Mitchell Sr. was gone in December 22, 1999. Granddaddy was gone in August 3, 2001, Aunt Farlene was gone in July 22, 2002, Aunt Ruth (Pat) in July 6, 2005. Many of the family members have grown apart ever since Granddaddy passed on. So yes, a lot of our family members have gone to do different things. A lot of people have changed since then.

So there are still a lot of things I’ve remembered about our wedding about 14 years ago. It’s amazing that our marriage has lasted this long. I will praise God that I’m still married to the wonderful handsomest guy on earth.

Yes, the most important ingredient in our marriage is God. Yes, God. He is the center of our lives as one flesh. Then, next comes our marriage, then, the family, and last but not least, the friends.

So we have celebrated most of the day as I’ve gone to teach at our church’s Joyful Noise class. The friend who I’ve worked with as the teacher has brought in the balloon and a card. The class has celebrated our union. Then, when we finished our class, and put away the materials and equipment, I got in the car and had opened the “Kay Jewelers” bag. In it was the greeting card for the wife, a stuffed polar-bear holding a stuffed penguin (NOW what’s wrong with this picture!), and a nice sapphire ring. Then, Ken and I went out to eat at the Longhorn’s Steakhouse Restaurant. Oh, their food is delicious!!! And, we just got home just about over a half hour ago before I’ve started to finish this blog.

Now you see that you too can make it as long as you have God as the center of your lives together as the married couple.

Anyway; that is pretty much of what I have to say about our fourteenth wedding anniversary. Yes, we’ve had good and bad times, but we learn to grow and learn from our mistakes.

I thank You Father God for this marriage and will continue to be thankful as You bless this marriage. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

An Owl Lady

An Owl Lady…………

Jacklyn Mitchell Reinhardt Perry…….. She is also known as Aunt Jackie to some of us. I have nick-named her “Big Jack”, and I still do not know why I’ve nick-named her as such for she is a small woman. This is the name that we hardly hear in our family nowadays for she has been taken from our lives in Jan of 1985. It has been very difficult for many of us to talk or write about her. So there is one thing that is very prominent about her life, and they are owls. She loves owls. She collects anything in the form of owls. Some of them are large and some of them are small. Some of them are beautiful and some of them are not so beautiful. She breathes anything of owls. Not one conversation goes by without mentioning a word “owl” in her vocabulary. And, yes, she even has a pet owl just before she has passed on.

She is born in February of 1948. She was only 36 years old when she was killed in the hit-and-run vehicular accident on the busy highway in Deland. That highway was as known as North Woodland Boulevard during the late night while she was walking across the highway from the motel near the Kentucky Fried Chicken fast food restaurant.

The last place that she had worked at was International House of Pancakes (IHOP). My grandmother, Penny, has not been able to bring herself to go to IHOP for 8 long years because that was the very last place that she has seen her daughter, Jackie. She is also the youngest of five children.

She has such a wonderful personality and she is a sweet and gullible woman. She is the kind of woman who can just sit with you and just listens. She is the kind of woman who has the care-free personality. She doesn’t hold grudges or be angry long.

She has a difficult childhood as she grew up along with her older sisters and a brother. The family has gone through many trials throughout their childhood. So Jackie, I believe, has done her best to grow and learn. There is not much of her childhood that I can gather. So this is all I know.

She has married Mike Reinhardt and had a child together named Melissa. Melissa was born in 1968. Their marriage did not last long and they divorced in 1972?

Then, she has married another man named, Jim. I have forgotten what his last name was. That marriage unfortunately did not last long either. It was about only three short weeks. I think that happened in 1974(?)

Then, her fourth marriage was to David Perry. He is the temperamental man to contend with. He gets belligerent when he drinks, but he is the nice guy when he was sober. I believe that their marriage didn’t till 1978 or so. I have no idea how bad these marriages were till I began to remember things.

So Jackie has remained divorced ever since.

Jackie has developed the drinking problem when she was pretty young, probably in her early 20’s since I knew very little of her alcoholism till she came to live with us in Tampa, Florida in 1973. I didn’t realize that her alcoholism has become paramount in her life until I was old enough to understand the affect that alcohol has on people. At one time or another, she would disappear to the bars somewhere in town to get a drink or two. Like I said, “She was a gullible person”. She would be around a lot of folks who would drink with her. I can remember that she has been in a lot of bad relationships with men in general. Things have gone from bad to worse as the time progresses.

She has hit rock-bottom one day when she has realized that she was in such a bad shape alone in an apartment. She used to go from one drinking binge after another. She had picked up the phone and called her mother to ask for help. She has realized how much that alcoholism has caused so much trouble. She was alone and scared.

Then, she was taken to the Stewart Treatment Center for Drug and Alcohol. So that was when she began to turn her life around. That was in January of 1984. Jackie has diligently gone through the treatment processes and therapies in order to learn of her dependence on alcohol. She was in such a vulnerable shape and she is learning how to cope with being a recovering alcoholic. She has done very well throughout the treatment and she was slowly recovering from the harmful effects of alcoholism. When she has completed her intensive treatment program; she was moved to the halfway house and she was given a waitressing job at IHOP. Even since, Jackie has worked so hard at IHOP in Deland, Florida. She has been diligent in saving her money for an apartment and being able to live as normally as possible as a recovering alcoholic. It is a life-long process. She was much happier and she has her dental work done which was caused by the effects of alcohol. She is smiling more and she was beginning to have new friends. Her daughter, Melissa, was so happy to have her mom back as well.

Jackie has found an injured baby owl one day and she decided to take it home with her so that she can take care of and raise it as her own. She has researched and learned enough about the care of the baby owl and learning how the owls live.

Then, her life was cut short one night in January of 1985 when a car was speeding along the Woodland Boulevard. The car hit her and dragged her about 80 feet along the highway till the driver realized that she had hit someone.

Perhaps; there is something beautiful out of this tragedy. Aunt Jackie has accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior and Lord. So there is “Beauty For Ashes”.

Yes, she was known as an owl lady. She loves owls and she talks about the owls. Whenever I’ve looked at the pictures of the owls, or watch any videos of owls; I would think of Aunt Jackie. She has been and will always be known as an Owl Lady.

Distracted Driving.......

Distracted Driving……………….

Try not to be distracted by unnecessary things while you are driving.

Well, I have yet another pet-peeve about my hubby, Ken. Yes, he just did that today. It’s reading while he drives. I don’t know which is worse nowadays, people talking on the cell phone while drive or just doing something to distract their attention from the driving.

I know that a lot of things to do distract people from driving attentively on the roads and highways. Putting on make-up, talking on the cell (or mobile) phone, looking for the CD or DVD, changing radio stations, reading a map, eating or drinking while driving, are some of the common things that would distract people from driving with utmost attention.

I know that driving involve more than one sense in order to pay attention to the road or highway. It involves the eyes to see where you’re going, listening with your ears for any sirens and any odd noises, and using your hands and feet involve coordination in order to operate the vehicle’s dash controls such as the steering wheel and the feet for the gas and brake pedals.

Anyway; here is what I’m griping about Ken’s bad driving habit. He just simply reads the bills while driving. He just had to read the stupid mails while he is driving so how can he be able to pay attention to the road that he was driving. Yeah, there were times; I’ve had freaked out whenever he goes all over the road just because he had to read those bills or mail. I mean he could have just waited till he got home and then read them as soon as he parked the car.

Well, that is another one of my pet-peeves with Ken, my hubby. So whatever you do, drivers, please don’t get too distracted while you’re driving because that is a very dangerous habit that needs to be broken. It’s for your safety and for your own good. J

Egg Yolks

I got a question for you if you can answer it. So……… how do you eat your eggs? That is a question to ask to see how many people would do the same thing that Ken does……

Well, this is how Ken eats his eggs. He’ll have his eggs cooked over-easy or over-medium. So whenever he eats his eggs; he’ll cut away the egg-whites and eat them. Then, he will carefully scoop up each egg-yolk from the plate and try to put it in his mouth without breaking the egg-yolk!

You see? This drives me up the wall! Ken cannot even remember how he had picked up this habit. So he’ll do this just to drive me crazy…

So he also wonders who else has this habit and why…. I bet he’s the only one who does this!!!! Maybe I’m wrong… I don’t know.

Soooo…. Who else does the same thing as Ken does???????? Huh? Let me describe it again. He eats his over-easy or over-medium egg-yolks WHOLE! Not just breaking the egg-yolk with a fork or knife, and then putting the broken-up egg-yolks in his mouth.

Anyway; he has done this for many years and he has NOT given up on that habit YET!!! LOL….. So I’m just wondering whenever he is going to remember how he had started this habit of eating the egg-yolks whole.

So I’m just wondering if Ken’s not alone in this vast whole world who eats his egg-yolks whole. Yeah, that’s one of my pet-peeves about my hubby, Ken. LOL…

Well, I’ll catch you all laterz God bless and take care. Cyas!

Cloud Reading......

Cloud-Reading….

Here is another one of those pet-peeves I have with Ken, my hubby. He likes to look at the clouds and then describe what he sees. A lot of times he has come up with some strange characters.

What drives me crazy is that he would describe something so provocative! I would like to just slap him silly sometimes for that. Why would Ken be looking at the cloud and then describe what he thought he saw. I just wonder sometimes.

Well, he has had come up with some weird ideas and descriptions. One of which was that he’d described one cloud formation as a male body part!!! I was shocked and I wanted to hide!!!!

Just today, he had described another cloud formation as the angel flipping a bird. I felt like slapping Ken silly on that one.

I know… He is simply weird! Sometimes; I think he’d had fallen off his rockers on those cloud formations. You know? His mind is pretty much wacked out from the psychiatric drugs and other mind-altering medications.

I know that some of you are wondering why I married this guy. I wonder too.

Well, anyway; I sometimes wonder if he will stop coming up with some disgusting things about the clouds. It would be nice if he would just describe the usual things like a puppy jumping the rope for example. But, oh, well. This is what I get for marrying this guy……

Well, that’s yet another pet-peeve I have about Ken, my hubby. I know I have many more as I come along….. You see? I want to keep the focus on the topic so I know what each blog is about. I know I tend to stray from the topic a little at times. So this is the reason I did this in the topic-form so it’s easier to keep track.

Now, who else would come up with the weird way to describe any cloud formations like Ken, my hubby? I’m curious as to see if anyone would be brave enough to describe the way Ken describes the clouds. I know that Ken has described some good things from the clouds and sometimes he had come up with such bad descriptions of the clouds.

So it hasn’t been the first time and it wouldn’t be the last either. I don’t mind Ken reading those clouds until he starts describing something awful in the clouds.

Well, I’ll let you go now to see another blog or do your things. God bless and take care. Have fun!

Bath Tub Test....

BathTub Test…..

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window ?"

 
DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE ?

Hearing Aids

Hearing Aids………

Hearing Aids………. Some may need them, and some won’t wear them because of pride. You know what you’re missing….

Well, some of you have read my blogs about how I was born with hearing impairment. Anyway; I wear hearing aids because I cannot hear well. I was born with Rubella Syndrome which is the birth defect that was contracted by my mother during her first trimester of her pregnancy. Yes, my mother has had contracted German measles.

I didn’t get to wear my hearing aids till I was nine years old. For the first nine years; they had really thought that I was mentally retarded or disabled. It has taken my mother and several of her friends to continue to convince them that I was really hearing impaired. My mother has tested me on her own talking normally as she would be talking to a normal hearing person or child. She increased her voice volume by speaking louder until I hear her voice. Of course, she was standing as a distance behind me doing this.

I got my first hearing aids at nine years of age when they finally realized that I have severe hearing impairment. So it has taken a lot of times for me to relearn how to speak and to listen to new things.

I was startled when I first heard a car-horn and asked what it was. I told that it was a car-horn! I was amazed at how much I missed hearing what I needed to hear.

So over the years, I had to learn a lot of my academic skills and do a lot of catching up after I’ve been moved to the regular elementary school when I was in 5^th grade. Yes, it has taken me about up to two years to bring my academics up to par with most of the students my age. Oh, yeah, I was introduced to……… peer pressure and being picked on!!! (Yes, that is another blog for me to get to).

There is the good and the bad in wearing hearing aids. Good maintenance is the key when I’m in the high humidity area such as Florida. Remembering to change the batteries when it’s needed is another habit I had to develop since I used to keep forgetting to pack a package of batteries in my purse, and I seldom carried purses!!! Until I began my womanly-cycles, and that is when it was necessary to carry a purse. Then, it’s remembering where I last put my hearing aids when I go to bed and had to remember where I had placed them the next morning, especially when I had to go to school. Of course, I got chewed out for misplacing my hearing aids a few times.

One time; it got lost in the back-yard. Another time, they got washed along with the laundry. And the last time; I’ve really lost my hearing aids was when I went to my first day of high school and it was RAINING!!!!! I had no purse to put them in and I had no pockets either!!!! AAAACCCCCKKKK!!!! And, yes, they were found along the road as I have had to run home as fast as possible to get out of the rain. The, next day was spent on taking the hearing aids to the hearing dispenser to have them dried out.

And there is another advantage to wearing my hearing aids that almost everybody cannot do. Turn off the hearing aids when you find that your parents are yelling at you. I know that I have done this a number of times and they about drove my mother up the wall. LOL…. I also done that to aggravate a few of my teachers in school and, yep, I’ve gotten written up for it. Heehee. (Naughty, naughty.. I’d hear from some of yas). Heehee…

Well, I’m still claiming the healing from the Lord and I am waiting expecting the miracle. Until then, I’ll be wearing hearing aids for a very long time.

I have gone through about 9 pairs of hearing aids give or take a pair. I know that is a lot of money that has gone to pay for these hearing devices. Like I said, good maintenance is the key to having hearing aids that’ll last long.

Anyway; for those who have been listening to loud rock concerts, extra-loud stereos, and IPODs, please turn down those volumes otherwise you will regret losing your hearing later in life!!!!!!!!

I know that they will have to pay for the consequences of having to lose their hearing from listening to too much loud music and loud rock concerts. I’ve been to one rock concert and boy, it was LOUD and I had to take out my hearing aids!!!! So I don’t know if any of you have read about my hubby, Ken, wearing those toilet papers stuffed into his ears because of the loud bass from the speakers at the church. Those bass are bad on our hearing if you have them too loud.

Well, Ken is almost ready to get hearing aids, but his hearing isn’t severe enough to warrant the need for the pair.

And, going from the analog to digital hearing aids sure has made a difference in my hearing!!! I have worn analog hearing aids for many years since I was nine years old. I mean these digital hearing aids do sound ten times better than what I have been so used to for so many years! There were certain ranges that I have not pretty much heard until I started wearing these digital hearing aids in October of 2006, and, yes, my hearing has improved with a bit of training my brain; it has taken me a while to get used to them.

So anyway; that is the story about me and my hearing aids. Oh, I don’t like wearing hearing aids, but they are necessary for me to hear what I’m supposed to hear.

So now you know about my hearing aids and how I’ve used them. I’m thankful that I will not be taking what is left of my hearing for granted, and they are the gift from God. So be thankful for the hearing that you have. You will never know how useful that your hearing will be in many situations and occasions such as listening to music or somebody singing, or a quiet laughter.

Well, that is about it for now about my hearing aids. I will catch you all laterz. Y’all take care and have fun. God bless.

A Dream Of A "Ron"

A Dream of a “Ron”

I remember dreaming that this guy coming to hug me. And we were sort of dancing.. He looks so much like "Ron" but he's short and his hair is rather short. We were at some sort of an outdoor place… Yes, Ken was in it. And a few people are in it.

I'm writing this down while I still remember it….

It’s not very often that I remember the dreams nowadays…

I used to remember a lot of the dreams very well.If it’s something significant then, I’ll try to remember it.

Now about this dream, what is the significance of it? Good question… Does that mean I’ll soon meet this guy. By the way; he is wearing a yellow shirt. He sure looks so much like Ron near Palm Beach Florida… and Yes, I know of 4 Rons… My mother’s friend’s name is Ronnie, one of the Special Gathering member is named Ronald (we call him Ron) and a third Ron is one of my hubby’s old friends who has helped set-up the meeting between me and Ken in 92. It’s so weird that the name Ron would come into play. Maybe, God has a reason why this “Ron” would appear in my dream…

Hmm… Maybe I might meet a real Ron soon… that is most likely possibility in my opinion. Or maybe God is reminding me to continue pray for him. That is another most likely possibility. Anyway; I have to wonder though why I dreamed this dream out of curiosity…

The reason why this guy looks very familiar to me is that I’ve recognized him from the pictures he has shared with me. Anyway; I’m writing this piece of blog so I don’t forget this dream.

There are some dreams that I’ve felt compelled to remember for one reason or another. Now, I don’t remember many of them. So this is one reason why I dreamed about this dream. Maybe there is something special about it. I don’t know… Maybe it’s for me to find out.

At least, I’m remembering this one because there were times that I’ve kept getting the same or similar dreams of his nickname on the computer screen in the chat program… Oh, I’m remembering the snippets of them now. Well, it’s okay… Hopefully those dreams won’t be repeating itself again as often as they did… and I was about to go nuts about them. LOL….

Well, I’ll catch you all laters….. God bless….

Pet-Peeve: Lying About Being "So Busy"...

Another Pet-Peeve: Lying About Being “So Busy”…

Well, hello there, folks…

Well, I do have time to do this blog and I’m telling you the truth and I will follow through with posting this.

Sooooo, here is one of my pet-peeves when it comes to being online and doing stuffs on the internet… It is claiming to be busy when they’re really not, you KNOW that is LYING!!!!!!! Now, I have to deal with liars online as well. Thanks a lot for letting you know that you were sooooo “busy”… *sighs*…. I was quite peeved come to think of it. Somebody has lied to me when he was up around 3:00 am and has sent an email to his crush… I was like okay at first when this person sent an email to say sweet-nothings to her. And then go on the stupid MSN to chat on it…. I was like okay, how come you can’t go online and chat in a room go on in private chat with that young lady? Then, I got word from her since I was talking to her in the chat room last night that he was “sooooo busy” … I was like okay, maybe he’ll go online later on and explain what’s going on…. NOT!!!!!

Soooo don’t ever say that you’re busy to someone and then make someone tell someone else that you’re busy!!!! Are you that lazy? Or are you too busy sleeping.

So you DID have time to email and then instant message the young lady in the middle of the night, and then lie to me that you’re “busy”. How annoying….

You know I cannot stand people lying to me. I really cannot stand it when someone says one thing and then lie about it. Yes, I have caught this same man in his lies a number of times before, and I sort figured that it was the medications messing him up, but now I do not know. This person is very unpredictable, and you don’t what he is going to do and when... When he is like the “Sweet-and-Sour” dish.

Anyway; this is one of my big pet peeves about the people. I do not like it when people say one thing or another and then lie to me. I think I will pray for him to stop this annoyance. I really hate to say that he is starting to become a hypocrite.

You know? I have listened to that song from World Wide Message Tribe called “Hypocrite,” and, I just thought of it. Anyway; I had to deal with this person later about his lying because I didn’t appreciate having stay up all night and being told that he is busy in middle of the freaking night and he DID have time to write an email and then instant message the woman? Come on….Right now I am a bit ticked-off about it as I got up from bed and just thought about he has done.

Of course, I’ll say what I will say and then follow through with what I have to say. I did an “Unknown” blog and I have hidden it elsewhere on the Internet earlier this morning.

Soooooooooooo, I’m done with my writing about one of my pet-peeves… I know. I have many of them. Heehee. I’ll get to them when I am able to get to each one of them. See? I will follow through as soon as I get to them.

So I’ll catch you all later whenever I can. God bless and take care.

Unattainable....

Sometimes; I just so happen to think about someone who happens to be “Unattainable” .. Could that person be attainable? I wonder… Someday, I would meet this person. It would be nice.

You know? I just hope that this person doesn’t know how I really feel towards him. Yes…. I almost said it. LOL… Well, I met this person in around 2004 or 5. I first met him in the #lobby of CCNET. Apparently; I didn’t realize that I would know more about him till later on. Amazing how I would be led to know this person.

I can describe this man. This much I know of him. He is tall. He says that he is modest though, and I know deep down he is handsome.

I know I know… he is unattainable. Why? Because I’m married to my handsome hubby, Ken. Kind of like having an affair. Huh?

Right now; I’m getting this out into this blog and hide this somewhere until someday that he will read this in the future.

Hmmm, Unattainable… why can’t I have something or someone that I cannot have? Good question… Maybe it’s the sinfulness of it all?

So I’m dealing with this issue of whether to keep this feeling to myself or just let it go. It’s hard to let go though.

You know? I just hope that all will be alright, and that I won’t be doing something that I shouldn’t. Yes, I have been tempted off and on about this man that I’ve met.

Now I op in his room on CCNET as a partner along with his friend. I didn’t start opping in this room till January of 2007. It’s really odd that I am really drawn to this guy.

Well, it all started in the #Lobby in the year 2004; I just so happened to be chatting in the main room when he simply showed up. We hit it off real well. So we’ve been talking off and on about the computers and other stuffs. I was in #Zola Levitt’s Room at the time and I remembered him being in the #lobby during the hurricane season. After all the hurricanes were gone at that time; I remembered us talking about damages from the hurricanes. Then, later, he had led me over to the RGC-Chat room. Amazing how one follows another. So met those people there.

Unbeknownst to me; I was led to know this guy. I didn’t know that he would be the one who would ask me to op in his room till a couple of years later. Gee, this is too much of the coincidences you know!

Anyway; I just want to tell you how I feel about this guy. Yes, he is single and a father of 2 kids. Notice I have NOT revealed his name or his nick…………yet. I am not ready to do so. I’m just gauging how I would handle myself.

I know that this is dangerous ground when it comes to affairs.

For years; I have been having the love affairs with the fantasy alien and artificial life forms. I have done this since I was a kid in order to get away from the world. And, I didn’t have to deal with the consequences of the love affairs. Of course, Ken knows all this.

Now, I’m dealing with my feelings towards another human being. There are times that I have been tempted to just pack up and buy the bus ticket and be gone from this place.

Okay, now; I just hope that nothing happens where I have to deal with the consequences of following though with my love for another man. Like I said, I’m not ready!

I didn’t think I’d be having feelings for this guy till March, man, I was like, “Gee, what is going on here?” To me; it’s shocking that I’d be having feelings for another real live human being.

I think I’m nutz to even consider that I’d be in love with this guy. Maybe I am…. So what is wrong with this picture?

Well, I can tell you that he has this strange aversion to penguins. I can think of the several possibilities of why he is afraid of penguins.

Anyway; now you know why he is “Unattainable”. He is a sweet guy and loves his family..

You know? I just hope he doesn’t know how I really feel about him. I just hope that I will not be forward about my feelings towards him. Yes, he has a crush on someone else and I pray that this relationship would be a success between him and her. I think it’s better that way… Hmm, I don’t know…. There is no telling how well this relationship will go since he has had bad experiences with the online romances. I have witnessed the break-up of one of the 2 relationships..

Maybe, I’m jealous, I really don’t know. I am happy that he and another lady from another country would message each other,, but I get jealous, too. Now that is sad when I tell of my fears. I have wondered what if they really proposed and get married. I pray that it would be so great for them, and that I will no longer be jealous and have unrequited love for him.

This is how I feel about him. He is attainable and I love him. I will continue to be a close friend to him no matter what despite my feelings for him. I have to remember that I still have my hubby. I really do.

You see? I don’t want anything to happen to destroy our marriage. Yes, I have told of my feeling for this guy to Ken and he understands and he is not jealous about this. If you don’t believe what I have told Ken, ask him and he will tell you.

So…… I can only tell you how I feel about this guy. Oh, and he is from south Florida. That is why I mentioned the busy ticket. Yes, I’ll get to him one of those days when we have enough money to down south.

So this is a little about the real me, and of my real feelings. I didn’t want to start this blog till I find the right place to hide it in. Like I said; I’m not quite ready to tell the whole world just yet.

Where I have place this blog; he will not know about this till later or when the “right” time comes. He will have no way of knowing how I feel until the time is right. I know that it is hard to find the right time for anything.

Yes, he is very unattainable for me as someone that I’d be falling in love with. And NO, I am still not going to reveal his name or his nickname.

So here I am still married to Ken and I have feelings for someone else. I do love my husband. And the temptation is so great!!!!

So I am swearing to secrecy of my feelings towards this guy. Hmm, I guess I can name him “Ron”. And nothing more. I am swearing to secrecy of my feeling for Ron and that he will not know of this and many other blogs about him until the “right” time. I just pray that nothing bad will happen, and that I’m able to tell of my feeling and not follow through with them. If I followed through with my feelings and I’m still married to Ken, I’d be in BIG trouble! So this is why I am swearing this and all the other blogs to secrecy. Maybe Ron will never know…. Maybe he will find out in the future. I don’t know.

I don’t think I’d be around to get yelled at when Ron finds out where the hidden blogs about him are.

I know.. I’m in trouble and I will always be when I talk about Ron. Heehee………..

I guess that is about it for now. I will see you later. Blessings!!!!

Tracy

Phone Calls Rants...

I soooo wanted to wring somebody’s neck today….. Today, I had to deal with the harassing phone calls from an unknown phone number in Utah. This has started about 5 days ago on Thursday morning. I have first missed those calls until they have become persistent on Friday. I did some checking online and have found that a lot of people are having the same problems as I have, and it is very frustrating.

Same thing happened on Saturday and Sunday. It was getting very aggravating. Today, on Monday, I simply blew my fuse. I was so fed up with these harassing phone calls. So I called my cell phone company asked about getting the call-block on a specific number, but they have no way of doing so. Sooooo, I opted to have my cell number changed. Then, there came more aggravation with the automated voice-prompts and getting cut off.

So I had my hubby to take care of this mess. I got the new cell phone number, but they had screwed up my voice-mail number! UUUGGGHHHH!!!! I was soooo mad! It seems I got madder and madder as the day went by…

So Hubby had to deal with more aggravation with the automated voice-prompts and then, some idiot cut him off! It was so terrible!

So anyway; we’ll have to go tomorrow to Radio Shack and have them take care of the mess with the voice-mail.

I know it’s UnChristian to feel that I wanted to wring somebody’s neck, but I’m at my wit’s end today. So I have calmed down enough as I write this. At least, I can get this off my chest. I was not even in such a great mood to chat with anybody tonight so I decided to get off-line before I would say something stupid in the chat room when my mind dwells on it. Of course, I was chatting earlier today, and my emotions was beginning to wear down because of the phone incidents, and called hubby to voice my frustration thus getting things off my chest.

While I was calming down; I was with my hubby talking and airing out the frustration with the phone company and such. Then, I did something productive by re-installing 3 programs onto this computer.

So now, I am just here writing out my feelings regarding this day.

You know? When you are so angry, it’s so hard to think straight. Yes, it’s very hard to think straight and clearly about the situation when we are so angry. Sometimes, we just lose our tempers. Yes, I have lost my temper. Some may call me a “Hot-head” Heehee. Well, that is one of the things that I have to deal with and trying my hardest not to sin. It’s very difficult, and I know I’ve had given in to sin so I had to repent of them.

So anyway; that is my rant for the day so I am done with venting. I’ll have to just pray about this mess. I know God forgives me. He knows that I will come back to Him to be set free from this.

Well, I’ll catch y’all laterz, folks.