Unattainable....

Sometimes; I just so happen to think about someone who happens to be “Unattainable” .. Could that person be attainable? I wonder… Someday, I would meet this person. It would be nice.

You know? I just hope that this person doesn’t know how I really feel towards him. Yes…. I almost said it. LOL… Well, I met this person in around 2004 or 5. I first met him in the #lobby of CCNET. Apparently; I didn’t realize that I would know more about him till later on. Amazing how I would be led to know this person.

I can describe this man. This much I know of him. He is tall. He says that he is modest though, and I know deep down he is handsome.

I know I know… he is unattainable. Why? Because I’m married to my handsome hubby, Ken. Kind of like having an affair. Huh?

Right now; I’m getting this out into this blog and hide this somewhere until someday that he will read this in the future.

Hmmm, Unattainable… why can’t I have something or someone that I cannot have? Good question… Maybe it’s the sinfulness of it all?

So I’m dealing with this issue of whether to keep this feeling to myself or just let it go. It’s hard to let go though.

You know? I just hope that all will be alright, and that I won’t be doing something that I shouldn’t. Yes, I have been tempted off and on about this man that I’ve met.

Now I op in his room on CCNET as a partner along with his friend. I didn’t start opping in this room till January of 2007. It’s really odd that I am really drawn to this guy.

Well, it all started in the #Lobby in the year 2004; I just so happened to be chatting in the main room when he simply showed up. We hit it off real well. So we’ve been talking off and on about the computers and other stuffs. I was in #Zola Levitt’s Room at the time and I remembered him being in the #lobby during the hurricane season. After all the hurricanes were gone at that time; I remembered us talking about damages from the hurricanes. Then, later, he had led me over to the RGC-Chat room. Amazing how one follows another. So met those people there.

Unbeknownst to me; I was led to know this guy. I didn’t know that he would be the one who would ask me to op in his room till a couple of years later. Gee, this is too much of the coincidences you know!

Anyway; I just want to tell you how I feel about this guy. Yes, he is single and a father of 2 kids. Notice I have NOT revealed his name or his nick…………yet. I am not ready to do so. I’m just gauging how I would handle myself.

I know that this is dangerous ground when it comes to affairs.

For years; I have been having the love affairs with the fantasy alien and artificial life forms. I have done this since I was a kid in order to get away from the world. And, I didn’t have to deal with the consequences of the love affairs. Of course, Ken knows all this.

Now, I’m dealing with my feelings towards another human being. There are times that I have been tempted to just pack up and buy the bus ticket and be gone from this place.

Okay, now; I just hope that nothing happens where I have to deal with the consequences of following though with my love for another man. Like I said, I’m not ready!

I didn’t think I’d be having feelings for this guy till March, man, I was like, “Gee, what is going on here?” To me; it’s shocking that I’d be having feelings for another real live human being.

I think I’m nutz to even consider that I’d be in love with this guy. Maybe I am…. So what is wrong with this picture?

Well, I can tell you that he has this strange aversion to penguins. I can think of the several possibilities of why he is afraid of penguins.

Anyway; now you know why he is “Unattainable”. He is a sweet guy and loves his family..

You know? I just hope he doesn’t know how I really feel about him. I just hope that I will not be forward about my feelings towards him. Yes, he has a crush on someone else and I pray that this relationship would be a success between him and her. I think it’s better that way… Hmm, I don’t know…. There is no telling how well this relationship will go since he has had bad experiences with the online romances. I have witnessed the break-up of one of the 2 relationships..

Maybe, I’m jealous, I really don’t know. I am happy that he and another lady from another country would message each other,, but I get jealous, too. Now that is sad when I tell of my fears. I have wondered what if they really proposed and get married. I pray that it would be so great for them, and that I will no longer be jealous and have unrequited love for him.

This is how I feel about him. He is attainable and I love him. I will continue to be a close friend to him no matter what despite my feelings for him. I have to remember that I still have my hubby. I really do.

You see? I don’t want anything to happen to destroy our marriage. Yes, I have told of my feeling for this guy to Ken and he understands and he is not jealous about this. If you don’t believe what I have told Ken, ask him and he will tell you.

So…… I can only tell you how I feel about this guy. Oh, and he is from south Florida. That is why I mentioned the busy ticket. Yes, I’ll get to him one of those days when we have enough money to down south.

So this is a little about the real me, and of my real feelings. I didn’t want to start this blog till I find the right place to hide it in. Like I said; I’m not quite ready to tell the whole world just yet.

Where I have place this blog; he will not know about this till later or when the “right” time comes. He will have no way of knowing how I feel until the time is right. I know that it is hard to find the right time for anything.

Yes, he is very unattainable for me as someone that I’d be falling in love with. And NO, I am still not going to reveal his name or his nickname.

So here I am still married to Ken and I have feelings for someone else. I do love my husband. And the temptation is so great!!!!

So I am swearing to secrecy of my feelings towards this guy. Hmm, I guess I can name him “Ron”. And nothing more. I am swearing to secrecy of my feeling for Ron and that he will not know of this and many other blogs about him until the “right” time. I just pray that nothing bad will happen, and that I’m able to tell of my feeling and not follow through with them. If I followed through with my feelings and I’m still married to Ken, I’d be in BIG trouble! So this is why I am swearing this and all the other blogs to secrecy. Maybe Ron will never know…. Maybe he will find out in the future. I don’t know.

I don’t think I’d be around to get yelled at when Ron finds out where the hidden blogs about him are.

I know.. I’m in trouble and I will always be when I talk about Ron. Heehee………..

I guess that is about it for now. I will see you later. Blessings!!!!

Tracy