My Escapes...

My Escapes……

I have my escapes whenever I am (or I was) stressed. I have my escapes whenever I have trouble coping with the life around me. I have escapes whenever I have ideas.

I do hide in many of my escapes such as my imagination. Yes, my imagination is my friend. My imagination has been my friend for a long time. I escape into my imagination whenever my mind simply shuts down from the world around me and I just “day-dream” as some people say.

This is really my way of coping with disturbing situations. Yes, I do talk to God about this, but sometimes; I wanted to just hide from the harsh reality of life.

Like for example; I was violated years ago as a teenager and I’ve built up this barrier of hiding into this imaginary world of space travel and aliens.

I still do escape into my imaginary world of aliens, androids, and computers. I sometimes wonder why I have such an affinity for these types of life forms. I’ll probably talk about this later.

I’ve started having imaginary friends when I was about eight or nine. Yes, I was a late-bloomer as most 3 and 4 yr-olds starts having imaginary friends. This was simply the good escape when I first began.

Then, came the time when I was violated; I simply began to learn to shut myself into my escapes. It has gotten to the point that I was unable to cope with this terrible reality.

I still have the affects of being violated by just escaping into my world where no one can get into. No one get into world of mine unless I allow them to. Only a very few select people that I could trust was able to see the glimpse of my escapes. So far about only 3 people of my family knows about this. Two of my cousins and my husband, Ken.

They are the only people who understood where I came from. So now, I am about to make a decision of how I am going to share this with someone else. I just pray that this person knows where I came from.

I have voiced my fears of revealing of how I was able to cope with life with only those 3 people, and they don’t treat me as if I were an outcast or a mental case. I know that some people would think I am crazy or nuts.

If whenever someone hurts me or makes me upset; I simply zone-out and not be bothered by anyone else’s harsh comments at me.

You know? Sometimes; I wonder how I was able to cope with some people’s strange behaviors. Well, I know where they come from. Some of them are out of fear or some of them are out of pure boredom. Anyway; I’ve shared very little that I have used my imagination to escape from the reality.

Recently; someone has shared something that has struck a chord within me. I know where this person comes from. So I no longer have to feel alone in this world that has to hide within her imagination as her escapes.

I hid out of fear. I hid out of shame. I hid because I couldn’t cope. I hid because I was angry, and I hid because I was lonely.

All this time; God was right there throughout this ordeal. Yes, He has never left me. It has taken me through a long journey to realize this. Now, I can talk to God about my fears and my escapes. I can talk to God without being afraid of Him. Because He is my Daddy I no longer have to hide from Him. Yes, I still hide from the world, but not from God.

Now I’m weighing the decision of whether to disclose them in my private blogs or my public blogs. Yes, I have to decide whether or not to share certain things with the people. Sometimes; I just have to keep something secret between me and God. My biggest fear is being an outcast because I’ve been a loner most of my life. So much of my childhood was spent hiding in my room and then escaping into my imaginary world.

So with the world of the Internet; I see a possibility that I could share something, whether it’s in the private blogs, friends’ only blogs, or the public blogs. Those are the decisions that I have to make. Someday, I will allow certain people to view my private blogs.

So I’ll catch y’all later so take care and God bless.

Love yas, my friends, in Christ our Lord.